Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
