Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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