It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
