hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
