Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
