I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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