worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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