I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
