just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
