he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
