Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Small penises have feelings too.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
