I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
