I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
