I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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