Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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