my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
