don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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