You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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