I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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