i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
accomplished twins. life is a go
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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