Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
