Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize