just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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