hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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