I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
