im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
