1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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