Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
