So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
