is your mom at the bar?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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