I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
