You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
