So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
