I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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