She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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