he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
