Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
