Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
