Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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