the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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