it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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