Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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