She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
