You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
