Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
