just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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