It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
