it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
