i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't deserve a penis
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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