Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
