the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
