I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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