k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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