talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
