An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
