yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
