Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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