bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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