dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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