the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my shit smells like andre
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize