Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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