maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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