I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
