Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
