I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
