btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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