Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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